Being in your 40?s you?d think moving on from a break up would be like ripping off a band-aid, (since you?ve been there and done that a few times already…well I guess I have). It should only hurt for a second and poof the pain?s gone!
Well, It’s been over a month now that I?ve broken up with my ex, the pain subsided but annoyingly I can?t stop thinking of him. Here are a few steps that I tried with some positive results and one final one which pushed me to just finally move on!
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For me, just moving my body and sweating in any way knowing I?m burning not only calories but also turning my pain into anger is extremely satisfying.
Kicking the punching bag like a badass is even more satisfying. And of course the endorphin rush you get after a good long work out, you feel like a brand new person!
2: Hanging out with good people.
There?s nothing like laughing with your best friend over a good meal and a few drinkie poos! Especially when she?s cooking and you just get to drink and eat.
3. Look great!
No matter how down in the dumps you are. Always put on your favorite jeans and boots, make your face like you?re a goddess, and walk feeling like you?re a movie star that people can?t help but stare at you.
This definitely helped rebuild my confidence!
4. Get back on the dating scene.
Now I would highly recommend you give yourself time. (Meaning after you?ve cried until you can?t cry anymore so you don?t end up crying during the date you go on to get over them).
Also, go on a date with someone you?re attracted to, not just anyone who?ll buy you a drink!
Trust me, I did the opposite and in the end, it made me miss my ex even more because the guy was nowhere nearly as attractive as my ex and personality-wise, the date was an ?ex-talker? sharing all his past girlfriends and the restraining orders he had to put on them!
5. Stay busy!
Throw yourself into your work. I?m a freelancer and I accepted whatever work I could to keep my mind off of the breakup.
I had to reset my priorities and that no longer included him! Working is a great distraction.
Of course, it helps more if you love what you do and fortunately I do!
Before I reveal the final push that really helped me to move on, I?d like to quickly address some of the things NOT to do?(or at least try not to).
- Try not to look at pictures of him
- Try not to stalk his social media
- Try not to look over past text message threads
- Try not to fall asleep thinking of him
- Try not to think of the good times?(well until you?re finally over him)
- And definitely do NOT?text him!
I guess these are all self-explanatory as to why you should do your best to avoid these examples. But mainly, it just keeps you stuck in the past and being stuck in the past means you?re still living there and obviously moving forward would not even be possible!
And now for the final push….drum roll please……
The final push
Sometimes when you?re going through missing someone, especially during a break up you?re deep in self-pity, pain, and all the drama in your head that you forget why you even broke up in the first place!
It always takes someone from the outside who really knows you to give you that final push.
So when your best friend says to you with an eye roll ?just get over it and move on..he played you.?
Firstly, you experience that sting, like she just slapped you in the face and it feels worse than the break up itself because you?re so humiliated.
Of course, initially, you?re gonna take it personally with thoughts of ?You don?t know what our relationship was like!… We had a deep connection!… I hadn?t felt like this in such a long time!… How would you know??
And yes, those thoughts all may be true and justified but I?know that it was coming from a good place and that she only had my best interests at heart.
But in the end, she was right, I’m glad she eye-rolled me! Because sometimes that?s what it takes to slap the fog of self-pity out of ya! Whether he played me or not.
I made the decision to break it off so there?s no other way except to ?just get over it and move on.? And being in my 40?s I don?t have time for long break-up indulgences!
How did you cope with your last breakup? Were you fortunate enough to have that one good friend “slap you in the face” with real talk? Or maybe things worked out differently? Comment below!
If you enjoyed reading this heartfelt account of dating and breaking up as a single woman in her 40s, living in the Big Apple, let us know your thoughts below!?
For those of you that have been following our journey, K. D Brighton is a frequent contributor to www.thenaughtyforties.com. Check out her other articles and feel free to have a look at her book with 5-star reviews, “40 single NYC; The Gold Notebook” now available on Amazon.
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