Being in your 40?s you?d think moving on from a break up would be like ripping off a band-aid, (since you?ve been there and done that a few times already…well I guess I have). It should only hurt for a second and poof the pain?s gone!

Well, It’s been over a month now that I?ve broken up with my ex, the pain subsided but annoyingly I can?t stop thinking of him. Here are a few steps that I tried with some positive results and one final one which pushed me to just finally move on!

get over your ex

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1: Exercise.

For me, just moving my body and sweating in any way knowing I?m burning not only calories but also turning my pain into anger is extremely satisfying.

Kicking the punching bag like a badass is even more satisfying. And of course the endorphin rush you get after a good long work out, you feel like a brand new person!

2: Hanging out with good people.

There?s nothing like laughing with your best friend over a good meal and a few drinkie poos! Especially when she?s cooking and you just get to drink and eat.

3. Look great!

No matter how down in the dumps you are. Always put on your favorite jeans and boots, make your face like you?re a goddess, and walk feeling like you?re a movie star that people can?t help but stare at you.

This definitely helped rebuild my confidence!

4. Get back on the dating scene.

Now I would highly recommend you give yourself time. (Meaning after you?ve cried until you can?t cry anymore so you don?t end up crying during the date you go on to get over them).

Also, go on a date with someone you?re attracted to, not just anyone who?ll buy you a drink!

Trust me, I did the opposite and in the end, it made me miss my ex even more because the guy was nowhere nearly as attractive as my ex and personality-wise, the date was an ?ex-talker? sharing all his past girlfriends and the restraining orders he had to put on them!

5. Stay busy!

Throw yourself into your work. I?m a freelancer and I accepted whatever work I could to keep my mind off of the breakup.

I had to reset my priorities and that no longer included him! Working is a great distraction.

Of course, it helps more if you love what you do and fortunately I do!

Before I reveal the final push that really helped me to move on, I?d like to quickly address some of the things NOT to do?(or at least try not to).

  • Try not to look at pictures of him
  • Try not to stalk his social media
  • Try not to look over past text message threads
  • Try not to fall asleep thinking of him
  • Try not to think of the good times?(well until you?re finally over him)
  • And definitely do NOT?text him!

I guess these are all self-explanatory as to why you should do your best to avoid these examples. But mainly, it just keeps you stuck in the past and being stuck in the past means you?re still living there and obviously moving forward would not even be possible!

And now for the final push….drum roll please……

The final push

Sometimes when you?re going through missing someone, especially during a break up you?re deep in self-pity, pain, and all the drama in your head that you forget why you even broke up in the first place!

It always takes someone from the outside who really knows you to give you that final push.

So when your best friend says to you with an eye roll ?just get over it and move on..he played you.?

Firstly, you experience that sting, like she just slapped you in the face and it feels worse than the break up itself because you?re so humiliated.

Of course, initially, you?re gonna take it personally with thoughts of ?You don?t know what our relationship was like!… We had a deep connection!… I hadn?t felt like this in such a long time!… How would you know??

And yes, those thoughts all may be true and justified but I?know that it was coming from a good place and that she only had my best interests at heart.

But in the end, she was right, I’m glad she eye-rolled me! Because sometimes that?s what it takes to slap the fog of self-pity out of ya! Whether he played me or not.

I made the decision to break it off so there?s no other way except to ?just get over it and move on.? And being in my 40?s I don?t have time for long break-up indulgences!

How did you cope with your last breakup? Were you fortunate enough to have that one good friend “slap you in the face” with real talk? Or maybe things worked out differently? Comment below!

K. D Brighton

Author of – 40 single NYC: The Gold Notebook –

If you enjoyed reading this heartfelt account of dating and breaking up as a single woman in her 40s, living in the Big Apple, let us know your thoughts below!?

For those of you that have been following our journey, K. D Brighton is a frequent contributor to Check out her other articles and feel free to have a look at her book with 5-star reviews, “40 single NYC; The Gold Notebook” now available on Amazon.

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12 thoughts on “How to stop thinking about your ex: in 5 easy steps

  1. Hi! I really appreciate your advice. There are aspects that are difficult for us to talk about but I resounded with them when you mentioned them here on your post. The way you have addressed a couple of thing is really sound and I agree with you. One of them is spending time with good people and the other one is being busy. Thank you very much!

    1. Hi Ann – thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. There are probably so many other things I could have added to the list as well but for me, these 5 things seemed to resonate with me the most. I’m glad to hear they resonated with you as well. It can be tough being alone with your own thoughts! Keeping busy and surrounding yourself with sincere and positive folks can be so helpful. Wish you all the best! 🙂

  2. Thank you for sharing this informative article about How to stop thinking about your ex in 5 easy steps. Wow your article will help most people out there that had broken hearts. Getting over an ex is not an easy task also depending on the years or months you spend together. The step you provided here will make anyone go through it as if nothing ever happened. After my break up with my ex it was easy for me to forget and not think about him as l hurted him l couldn’t even stand looking at him l even wondered what l saw in him. The reason for the break up was cheating so it was easy for me not to think about him at all. I can not say the same about my friend l had to give her a slap on her face up to date she has not gotten over him. I will share your article with her propably she will snap out of her dream world after reading it. Great post.

    Wishing you all the success!

    1. Hi Fiona – yes, getting over an ex is never easy! But it’s less of a struggle when you have good friends around to support you – even if it is “tough love”. It’s the good friends that know you the best that somehow know just what to do to help. I am sorry to hear about your break up but I’m glad to hear you doing well and glad to hear that you are a good friend. Thank you so much for your comment and for taking the time to read. I wish you the best and take care! 🙂

  3. Yeah I agree with these tips. The main thing is to focus on something else, because when you’re exercising or staying busy then you’re not letting any thoughts about your ex enter your head. I recently got out of a 4 year relationship and I find that doing cardio exercises really help, I’ve been going to the local community center gym and it’s helping to help me stay fit physically and mentally. The last thing you wanna do after a breakup is to sit at home and looking at facebook or something.

    1. Hi Son – I absolutely agree. The main thing is to keep busy, keep active and move forward. Exercise is definitely something that can help – mentally and physically! I remember also going to the gym every day at one point, to help me get over my ex. During the way, I met some great folks at the gym. It helped me realize not only is it important to stay healthy but social interaction is important too. Thank you so much for sharing and taking the time to read my article. I wish you the best.

  4. Hey, I enjoy a lot while reading your simple and easy steps to stop thinking about ex. I found they are very useful for everyone. Your each Ideas is awesome . I like laughing with our best friend over a good meal and a few drinkie poos. I hope it will work for everyone. You are doing awesome work by spreading such kind of knowledge to make our life more better. Keep it up.

    1. Hey Parveen – I think laughing can sometimes be the best medicine! I’m glad to hear that you found my article helpful. It is the simple things in life that we can overlook that sometimes helps us the best. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! I wish you all the best 🙂

  5. Great article. I personally have used all five of your steps to get over a break-up. Your steps made me feel stronger and more confident on my decisions, even if it wasn’t me who did the break up. The last break up I had was with my ex-wife who asked me for a divorce after I had experienced a life changing illness. Thank you for sharing such an insightful article.


    1. Hi Courtney – I am truly sorry to hear about your divorce. I think sometimes during these types of situations even sticking to a simple routine can help, one step at a time. I think you are amazing to continue and move forward! Keep going and I hope you get stronger and confident each day! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my article and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it. Wish you the best.

  6. I appreciate the list as I find them helpful, the ones you said in the list. I’m also 40, and the only difference between me and you is that you are a female. Actually, I’m a bit surprised that men too have the tendency to be depressed especially when the one who left us is a younger girl who opted for a younger boy. It really hurts knowing that you are being traded off to a younger alternative, and it hurts realizing we’re getting old. But then, with your suggestions, of using these distractions to get them off our minds, I think we can make it. Thank you!

    1. Hey Gomer. You’re absolutely right. Breaking up stings and moving on is not easy – regardless of gender but it’s always good to have a reminder to keep moving forward, one day at a time. I’m glad that you were able to find my humble tips helpful. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your heartfelt comment. I wish you the best!

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